tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post2437592683165406556..comments2023-08-25T08:20:02.925-04:00Comments on Holly Hill: Critique Party #6Holly Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07901177289663629475noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-85445223213357529522010-08-08T11:23:47.967-04:002010-08-08T11:23:47.967-04:00Fantastic as ever, Susan. The only problem I can f...Fantastic as ever, Susan. The only problem I can find is that the paragraph about the Spirit Hunters, I think you need to mention the fact that Eleanor is working with them. Just to transition the leap a little more smoothly.<br /><br />I cannot find anything else. Best of luck!<br /><br />Laura<br />~X~Laura Ann Dunkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01514636777035215126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-21639429436195953252010-08-02T13:27:42.226-04:002010-08-02T13:27:42.226-04:00I couldn't find anything majorly wrong with th...I couldn't find anything majorly wrong with the query. I'd like to see how the Spirit Hunters tie in with Eleanor because you talk about Eleanor but then you jump into them without any transition. Do they help her get her brother back?<br /><br />And, it's a matter of style choice, but I'm a fan of moving the title, genre, and word count to the end of the query.<br /><br />This sounds like an excellent story!Alicia Gregoirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06660125614529633284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-19311072016103068232010-08-02T12:29:43.901-04:002010-08-02T12:29:43.901-04:00Susan- very cool WIP!
I definitely have some que...Susan- very cool WIP! <br /><br />I definitely have some questions about how the world works, what is going on, etc-- but in the GOOD way. In the sense that I want to know more/read more. You strike a great balance between giving a taste of the plot, but not overwhelming the reader with details that drag down the pace. <br />well done.<br />the only word I stumbled on:<br />"what had begun as an easy job with only a handful of shambling bodies"<br />could be changed to "what began"-- but I am no grammarian. It wouldn't stop me from reading more.KatOwens: Insect Collectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12228171304170449979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-39053146270188010122010-08-02T10:46:34.936-04:002010-08-02T10:46:34.936-04:00Hey, thanks guys! You've just made my day bri...Hey, thanks guys! You've just made my day bright! (despite the thunderstorms outside). :DSusanhttp://susandennard.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-57905470591867905222010-08-02T10:04:14.799-04:002010-08-02T10:04:14.799-04:00Hi, Susan!
Wow, I'm not really up on my steam...Hi, Susan!<br /><br />Wow, I'm not really up on my steampunk, but this sounds like a crazy-fun book! The Spirit-Hunters remind me a little of Ghostbusters... :D In a good way!<br /><br />One copyedit: the team's abilities...<br /><br />Otherwise, this is a good, strong query. I'd expect you to get some requests from this! <br /><br />Good luck~LTMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05239077455322030275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3496868506345590292.post-75217297655170870782010-08-02T08:26:16.926-04:002010-08-02T08:26:16.926-04:00Susan, I can't even find anything to comment o...Susan, I can't even find anything to comment on. This is a really strong query! Great job.Holly Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07901177289663629475noreply@blogger.com